The Great Gatsby (2013)

French title:
“Gatsby the Magnificent”

Directed by: Baz Luhrmann

Written by: Baz Lurhmann, Craig Pearce, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Carey Mulligan

Running Time: 2 hours, 22 minutes
Rating: PG-13

Pre-Conceived Notions: I had to read The Great Gatsby in high school. I don’t remember much about the book, really. All I remember is the lists of vocabulary words the teacher made us memorize (this is where I learned the word ‘wan,’ a very descriptive word that isn’t used as much as it should be these days) and all of the analytical questions we had to answer about the plot and themes and stuff like that. I think someone gets hit by a car? That’s pretty much all I remember from that book. But in my English teacher’s defense, I read it 18 years ago, so I can’t blame being forced to read it (and therefore blocking everything from my mind as soon as I could) as the whole reason why I don’t remember anything. 

Why I Haven’t Seen This Film: Logistics. Let’s blame logistics on this one. 

2 hours, 22 minutes later…: Baz Lurhmann must love roller coasters, because holy crap is this movie zoomy. Like he can’t just jump cut to anything, he has to have the intricate crane and dolly shots and make us feel like we’re flying through the air, barfing up nachos all over ourselves, all the while screaming, “More! More!” Also, each shot in the movie makes me think about how much I need to clean my apartment because it is so cluttered. But that’s what makes his sensibility so special. It’s the movies, for crying out loud, so each second has to be filled with rich imagery, sound, and movement. And I really love the art deco period, so I doubly enjoyed the visuals. 

As far as the story is concerned, all I can say is, wow. What a story. I might go as far as saying this is the ultimate douleur exquise tale. Jay Gatsby moves heaven and earth for five years just to be with Daisy Buchanan, a girl that he thinks about constantly and can not imagine life without. He could have had anyone, but it was the one person just outside his reach that he was after. It’s a story as old as time itself. It also is a great look into the opulence and decadence of the time period. As I was watching, I was half-expecting some mention of the Great Depression, but it turns out the book itself was written before the Great Depression was a thing. So… yeah.

Final Thoughts: 5/6 slices of pizza. If the movie had lasted a minute longer, I would have had to take two dramamines. But the acting was superb, and my eyes and ears were just lapping up every bit of sensory bombast. I don’t know if that last sentence was English. Just go with it, k? 

Mulan (1998)

US working title:
“China Doll”

Directed by: Tony Bancroft, Barry Cook

Written by: Rita Hsaio, Chris Sanders, Philip LaZebnik, Raymond Singer, Dean DeBlois

Starring: Ming-Na Wen/Lea Salonga, BD Wong/Donny Osmond, Eddie Murphy

Running Time: 1 hour, 27 minutes (Special Edition)

Rating: G

Pre-Conceived Notions: It’s a story about a warrior who just happens to be a Chinese woman—you know what? I can’t do this section of it. I had a really good paragraph going on, and I did something, and my computer swallowed it whole, right when I was writing the review for it, thus rendering any pre-conceived notion I may have had neither pre-conceived, nor a notion. Next time I’m going to immediately cut and paste things into Blogger as I write them. Google’s got my back way more than I do.

Why I Haven’t Seen This Film: I was 19 when it came out, and I think right around that time I was taking a really hard English class from a professor who actually wanted her students to read and understand the books she assigned, and a statistics class from a professor whose class consisted of him standing in front of the classroom with a worksheet, and calling on different people in the class to yell out the answers to the various problems without teaching us how to do them first. So, Mulan was the last thing on my mind at that point. Oh, and those classes? Were on the same day. So there’s that. 

1 hour, 27 minutes later…: So. That was a Disney war movie. Which impresses me. I guess I knew that at one point in time, but I had forgotten it along the way. Another impressive thing is the way they handled the romance between Mulan and Shang. They didn’t get all kissy-kissy at the end, they maintained a quasi-professional relationship. I would dare say that Disney might have opened themselves up for a sequel, with how open-ended that ending was. So, look for that in the future.

But with all of that impressive stuff in there, I was kind of left feeling flat. It was like Disney was going through the motions with the plot and not really pushing the envelope all that much. They had the chance to top or equal The Lion King, Aladdin, and Pocahontas, but they fell short. It felt rushed; there was no time for character development at all, and even less time for sussing out the plot. And I watched the extended Special Edition. But, hey. It’s a Disney movie. It’s hard to do what you do for a target demographic with short attention spans. 

Final Thoughts: 3 out of 5 slices of pizza. I was impressed with the many cultural things they got right, and with the different story approach. They just needed to tighten things up a little more.

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Swedish title:
“The Ruthless”

Written & Directed by: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen

Running Time: 1 hour, 39 minutes

Rating: R

Pre-conceived Notions: I know what you’re shouting at your computer right now. I can hear it through my monitor: “You’ve never seen Reservoir Dogs? Are you kidding me right now?” Nope. I don’t kid. Okay, I do kid, but I only not kid when it is interesting to not kid. And this time, I’m not kidding. Reservoir is Tarantino’s film debut, and so it’ll be very interesting to see how it is. I’ve heard a lot about it, and about the Tarantino Canon in general. Rumor has it Michael Madsen’s character in this film and John Travolta’s character in Pulp Fiction are brothers, because every Tarantino film belongs to the same universe. Okay. Sure. They kinda look alike if you squint and huff stuff for a sufficient amount of time. But if all the films in the canon are a part of the same universe, is Tim Roth’s character the same guy who holds up the café in Pulp Fiction? Makes you think, don’t it? (Actually, I’m sure the answer is out there somewhere, but I’m just too lazy to google it right now.) The only other thing I know about it is it’s got shades of Clue where everybody is known by a color. Because, Tarantino. 

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: I don’t know why I haven’t seen this movie. I’m getting really tired of this question, and it’s only Day 2 of the official project. I guess it’s because I have no clue what a reservoir dog is. Is it a dog that guards municipal drinking supplies? Is it a dog-shaped squirt gun? It’s probably some kind of drug slang. That’s what I’m going to go with for now.

1 hour, 39 minutes later…: I’m going to go out on a limb and make a suggestion: Reservoir Dogs the Musical. They’ve done it with Shrek, and Legally Blonde, and The Holy Grail. Why not with this? The whole movie reads like a stage play anyway with most of the action taking place in the warehouse. And then you’ve got the climactic ending. I’ve already come up with snappy song titles: I’ve Been Shot! I’ve Been Shot!, You Each Get a Color, and my personal favorite: I’m Going to Go All Mike Tyson on You and Then Light You on Fire. I’m a genius. I can’t help it.

Back to the meat and potatoes of the film. I really liked it, and I’m kind of sad at the way that I liked it. I didn’t like it from the point of view that someone from 1992 would have liked it, not having seen a Tarantino movie before and being blown away at what they saw on the screen. Rather, I liked it from someone who’s very familiar with the kind of movies Tarantino produces. Instead of repeatedly saying, “Wow, did he just do that?!”, I said, “Classic Tarantino.” I guess I’m just desensitized to Tarantonian (Tarantinonian?) blood and gore. Whoever Q’s fake blood supplier is, he is set for life! 

To wind this post down, here are a couple of observations: 

1.) I am totally on board with everything Mr. Pink says about tipping. I’ll always tip 20%, but isn’t it kind of sad that restaurants in the US can’t pay their wait staff a living wage so they don’t have to depend on the whim of Joe Q. Public to be decent enough to tip so they can live? Waitpersons in the Netherlands not only get paid a living wage, but they also get benefits. Think about that. 

And, 2.) How did Buscemi come to play the most level-headed character in the movie? He’s kind of a twit, but he’s pretty much got everything figured out. It was very refreshing to see him in such a role.

Final Thoughts: I’m going to give this movie 4 out of 5 slices of pizza. There was plenty of action, high body count, and a heaping wheel barrowful of that trademark Tarantino dialogue, but I still don’t know what a reservoir dog is. And that is a definite black mark against this film.

A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

French Canadian title:
“An Angel Called Wanda”

Written and Directed by: John Cleese & Charles Crichton

Starring: John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Kline

Running Time: 1 hour, 38 minutes

Rating: R

Pre-Conceived Notions: This movie has always been something I have heard a lot about, because it seems to be on a lot of lists of the best comedies ever. I mean, why wouldn’t it be? It’s written by a Python, and it’s got Jamie Lee Curtis in it. That’s really an unbeatable combination right there. But what I am most looking forward to is the performance by the title fish. A little birdie told me she was scooped up out of a pet store fish tank within minutes of shooting all of her scenes. The casting department really lucked out on that one.

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: Whenever I wanted to see any ol’ movie, ‘Fish’ never was in the back of my mind to see. There were no A Fish Called Wanda viewing parties in college, and I guess I just tucked it away in my ‘iconically classic movies that I want to see but I’ll never check out unless I make myself do an insane movie-a-day project of the movies I’ve never seen but probably should’ file. This is a large file, which you soon shall see.

Trivia: Otto says, “Don’t call me stupid.” 5 times during the course of the film.

1 hour, 38 minutes later… The rule of thumb is, when there’s hype that surrounds a film, you believe the hype. It was a great film that didn’t leave me bored, between the love triangle between Wanda, Otto, and Archie; the hit animal lover Ken had out on the old lady who could break the case wide open, and the overarching “where are the jewels?” plot. It was like a feature-length sitcom with an A, B, and C story line. Unlike Super Troopers, the humor respected the intelligence of the audience: “He thought the London Underground was a political movement!” But that’s a big reason why Python was so popular: it was all kinds of absurd and yet didn’t insult its audience. And one more thing: Jamie Lee has America pooping again, John Cleese and Michael Palin are in the middle of a possible Monty Python reunion, but where the heck is Kevin Kline nowadays? Isn’t he due for a comeback?

Final Thoughts: Snappy dialogue, rich, flawed characters and distinctly British humor make this a caper movie I’m definitely going to watch over and over again. This movie gets 5.5 slices of pizza. I have to take that last half-slice away for the slightly Wile E. Coyote ending. If you haven’t yet, stream or rent this movie!