Requiem for a Dream (2000)

Portuguese title:
“Life is a Dream”

Directed by: Darren Aronofsky

Written by: Hubert Selby, Jr., Darren Aronofsky

Starring: Ellen Burstyn, Jared Leto, Jennifer Connely

Running Time: 1 hour, 41 minutes

Rating: R

Pre-Conceived Notions: Who replaced the trailer with a Nine Inch Nails video? Does Trent Reznor make a cameo? Is this real life? What’s that woman doing in that fish tank? These questions and more will be answered on the next episode of Soap! Don’t worry if you don’t get that reference. I barely get it, and I wrote it, so… 

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: I probably had homework that day.

1 hour, 41 minutes later…: Wow. I shouldn’t have watched that movie first thing in the morning. My visual cortex is smarting because of all the intense imagery that assaults you minute after minute. It’s like taking that Aphex Twin video where that alien-looking creature is screaming at that old woman and her hair blows back and multiplying the intensity of that by a googolplex. Holy freakin’ shit. It kind of makes me want to go out and find the novel it’s based on.

It’s interesting, because the most intense scenes involve the character who I think is the biggest victim. Sara Goldfarb, played masterfully by Ellen Burstyn, just wanted to lose weight to fit into a dress so she could look good on TV, which makes her a double victim. First she gets the call to tell her that she’s been “selected to be a contestant on TV” which doesn’t happen in real life. You have to audition for shows before you can be selected for them. And then she becomes an addict on uppers because some charlatan prescribed them to her. She is the only character in the film that doesn’t know she’s an addict. 

Final Thoughts: I have to go take a shower many times over, so I’ll keep it short and sweet. 4.5 slices of pizza out of 6. The visuals are mind-blowing, as is the subject matter. The acting is intense and in your face. But the assault on your brain that you take is a bit much. Now if you excuse me, I’ll be in the bathtub. Crying, or something.

Love Story (1970)

Love Story (1970)

Directed by: Arthur Hiller

Written by: Erich Segal

Starring: Ali MacGraw, Ryan O’Neal, John Marley

Running Time: 1 hour, 39 minutes

Rating: PG

Pre-Conceived Notions: The classic line, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” comes from this. I want whatever whoever wrote this line was smoking, because if love means never apologizing, then that’s a fantastic relationship! But let’s be honest, here. No one has ever said, “You don’t have to  apologize, Honey, we’re in love, remember?” Nobody. Who isn’t on psychotropic drugs. LSD may have made someone say that a time or two. 

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: The ’70s  form a huge, gaping maw in my “movies I’ve seen” list. Especially ones with really dumb lines that become more famous than the movie they’re in.

1 hour, 39 minutes later…: I get a feeling that movie was miscast. I found Ali MacGraw’s character so unlikable that I kept moving the mouse around to see the time: 20 minutes until she eats it. 15 minutes until she eats it. 10 minutes… She was a bitch to Ryan O’Neal from the very start of the movie, and all of a sudden he falls for her? And then gives up his millions for her? Um, okay. Different strokes, and all that. 

And all of that snow! I grew up in New England in the ’80s, and I remember getting that much snow all at once, and we’d never see the ground at all until the spring thaw. Now, we’re lucky if the snow hangs around a week after a big storm. I mean, on the playground, we’d build snow forts and they’d be there for a really long time, and the temps would freeze the tip of your nose off, and we’d walk to and from school, and we liked it. Sorry about getting on a climate change rant, there, but that’s really the only other thing that stuck out for me.

Nope. I lied. That music: DUM, duh-dum DUM-DUM!!! Over and over and over again. I’m going to be dreaming about that song tonight! Other composers do a really good job at writing a theme, and then stuffing it in the music so we get hints of it every once in a while. But this time, we kept getting smacked in the face by that theme that will not! Leave! My head! 

Final Thoughts: 2 out of 6 slices of pizza. Like the kind of pizza that accidentally gets put in the microwave too long. After it’s sat in the fridge for three days. 

Children of a Lesser God (1986)

Argentine title:
“I Will Love You in
Silence”

Directed by: Randa Haines

Written by: Mark Medoff, Hesper Anderson, James Carrington

Starring: William Hurt, Marlee Matlin, Piper Laurie

Running Time: 1 hour, 59 minutes

Rating: R

Pre-Conceived Notions: Being a disabled person myself, it’s always great to see Hollywood make movies about people with disabilities, and extra points are scored when they cast actual people with disabilities. It should happen a lot more than it does. LET MY PEOPLE ACT!!

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: Because. 

1 hour, 59 minutes later…: There is so much to say about this movie. Where do I begin? I guess, first off I am a little ambivalent about the choice of the director to have the other actors say Matlin’s lines as she acted them instead of going for subtitles. I don’t really know if subtitles would have taken away or added to the film, but it was kinda annoying to not have subtitles. It felt like I was listening to both sides of a sitcom telephone call where, because you only can hear one end of the conversation, the person has to repeat what the person on the other end of the line is saying:

Person We Can’t Hear: “I’m going to the store. Do you want anything?”

Person We Can Hear: “Do I want anything from the store?”

Person We Can’t Hear: “Oh, and I need to borrow some money, because I’m broke.”

Person We Can Hear: “You’re broke? Yeah. Sure. You can borrow money.”

Person We Can’t Hear: “WHY ARE YOU REPEATING EVERYTHING I SAY?” 

That sort of exchange is tiring in one scene in a sitcom, let alone in an entire movie. I guess I don’t know what the best solution to that would be. Some people like subtitles, and some people don’t. Maybe have an inner monologue thing happening where we hear what inside her head as she signs it? That might have been a good solution.

It was a very intriguing movie for me, because as I said above, I have a disability myself. I was born with moderate spastic cerebral palsy, and it was interesting to see how the ‘normal' people treated Matlin’s character. The scene that particularly struck me was the poker scene. After Matlin’s character beat everybody and was counting her money at the table, everybody around her was all, “Wow, James [William Hurt’s character], you really did a good job at teaching Sarah how to play!” in a tone like she was some kind of circus animal. I guess that was the point of the scene, but it did bother me a little. 

And William Hurt’s signing was a little distracting, but he did a good job of it considering he had to learn ASL from scratch for the movie. They covered it up as best they could by having his character say that he was rusty at ASL throughout the whole movie. He’s a teacher of the Deaf! He’s taught at all the good schools! He shouldn’t be that rusty at ASL!

Final Thoughts: 5 slices of pizza out of 6. It was a great story told with heart and feeling, and it did a good job on focusing on how much of a difference advocacy can play in someone’s life. 

The Seven Year Itch (1955)

Italian title:
“When the Wife is
on Vacation”

Directed by: Billy Wilder 

Written by: Billy Wilder, George Axelrod

Starring: Marilyn Monroe, Tom Ewell, Evelyn Keyes

Running Time: 1 hour, 45 minutes

Rating: NR

Pre-Conceived Notions: For those of you not versed in classic movie history, this is the movie where Marilyn Monroe gets her dress blown up on the air grate. It’s probably the only thing people remember from this film. Unless you’re a classic film historian. An interesting trivia: Marilyn’s character is never given a name, and is credited as ‘The Girl.’
Why I Haven't Seen This Film: I haven’t seen a lot of the classics. This is just the second of many films from the ’50s I’m going to be reviewing, so I hope as we go along, it’ll encourage you to watch more classic films.

1 hour, 45 minutes later…: Is there some award out there for biggest Indian stereotype featured in a movie? Thanks to the strides and advancements we’ve made in the past 60 years, the opening scene in this film looks ridiculous. The first ‘Indian’ woman you see is obviously a white woman in tan make up and a wig. And there were some guys in there that were obviously Irish. And I found the teepees extra hilarious. Oh, the ’50s, you slay me. 

I have a theory about the movie that no synopsis I’ve read has mentioned. The basic plot of the film is that this man, who has been married for seven years has to stay behind and work as a publishing executive while his wife and child go on a summer vacation up in Ogunquit, Maine. Coming home after work, he sits down to read a manuscript on infidelity and has an imaginary conversation with his wife about how he is presented with every opportunity to cheat on her with his secretary and his night nurse following his appendectomy throwing themselves at him, and him ignoring their advances. The theme of imagination is very well established at the beginning of the film.

Okay. Here’s where my theory comes into play. As he is walking around the living room, he steps on his son’s roller skate, falls backwards, and hits is head on the ground. (Concussion, perhaps?) The minute he does that, The Girl (played wispily and airily by the wispy and airy Marilyn Monroe) buzzes at the door to be let in because she forgot her apartment key upstairs. So, I’m thinking this is all in his mind. It’s too much of a coincidence not to be. Bump on the head, and BOOM! Marilyn Monroe suddenly lives in the apartment upstairs from you? 

Then towards the end of the movie—okay, THE end of the movie (*Spoiler Alert!*) he’s really paranoid about someone finding out about his affair with The Girl, and this guy he’s been weary of doing the same thing with his wife that he’s ben doing with The Girl shows up in the kitchen, and he gets into a heated one-sided argument, and says something along the lines of, “What, you think I’ve got Marilyn Monroe in the kitchen?” And it so happened that Marilyn Monroe was in the kitchen at that point in the movie. That, my friends proves my point! If Marilyn Monroe exists in the universe where this movie takes place, and the name of The Girl is never revealed throughout the course of the film, doesn’t it stand to reason that the whole movie is in his head, and The Girl/Marilyn Monroe is just something he dreamed up? I rest my case. This theory is on none of the webpages about the movie. I’m really gobsmacked that people have missed this. 

Final Thoughts: 5 slices of pizza out of 6. It’s a really cute and light comic film of the ’50’s. If you’re interested about the iconic scene with Marilyn and her dress blowing up around her when she’s atop the subway grate, she is never shown from the waist up at that point in the film. It just cuts to her legs as the wind blows her skirt up. The iconic image people have in their minds comes from photographs of the production, not the film itself. Rent it for that, and rent it for the Shyamalan-esque ending. You’ll see what I mean.

Peyton Place (1957)

French title:
“The Pleasures of Hell”

Directed by: Mark Robson

Written by: John Michael Hayes, Grace Metalious

Starring: Lana Turner, Hope Lange, Lee Philips

Running Time: 2 hours, 22 minutes

Rating: NR

Pre-Conceived Notions: Gather ’round, kids, I’ve got a little story to tell you. 

[cue flashback music] 

I was at dinner with my father’s family, and I mentioned to them my interest in theatre and maybe thinking about doing movies, and all of a sudden my uncle pipes up: “Y’know, your father was in a movie in the ’50s. And your aunts.”

“Really? Nah. You’re joking.”

“No. It’s true. Your father and your aunt are the people at the very beginning of Peyton Place, walking up the stairs, and your other aunt was the person in the room that gets up and leaves right afterwards.”

And it turns out it’s true. Peyton Place was filmed in my hometown of Belfast, ME, and my father and aunts were hired as extras. Back then, you didn’t get issued a social security number until you got employed. Years later, I got to meet and talk with Hope Lange when she was a special guest of the National Theatre Workshop of the Handicapped the first year they were in my hometown. I had no idea who she was when I talked to her, but it was cool because now I can say I talked to Hope Lange about Cheez-Its. (She was a fan.) 

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: You’d think that I’d’ve run out to the video store as fast as possible to rent this movie, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. But it is what it is.

2 hours, 22 minutes later…: I think I need a couple shots of whiskey to decompress from this movie. I mean it had it all: murder, adultery, suicide, and shots of my hometown. Which is really kind of weird to be sitting there, watching an old movie and, “Oh, wow! That’s where that chick rear-ended me and my van in her father’s Audi!” And then a couple of scenes later, “There’s the church my aunt got married in!” etc. This is going to be the first in a series of three movies filmed in my hometown that I’ll be reviewing during the course of the year, so stay tuned!

The two lessons this movie dealt with was, 1) Let your kids be who they’re going to be. You’re the parent, not the puppeteer. The more you try to control your kids and mold them into the people you want them to be, the more they are going to want to rebel and push themselves away from you, and 2) Gossip is a very destructive thing. “What are they going to think of me if I do that, or how will people react if I do this?” Who cares? You only get one life in this world, so live it for you! In the end you’re only accountable for yourself, so are you going to live your life for somebody else, or are you going to live it for you? Huh? Answer me! 

Sorry. I just got done watching a very melodramatic movie for the past three hours, and that kind of thing is really hard to get out of your system. Speaking of melodrama, holy melodrama, Batman! So many people grabbing each other by the shoulders, and crying forcefully, and all the suave comebacks from everybody on top of that. I mean, did people really talk like that in the ’40s (when this movie was set)? Oy vey! And I loved all of the poor man’s process stuff going on. Like they took a picture of the location (e.g. the exterior of Constance MacKenzie’s house), and projected it onto a giant screen in a soundstage and threw Lana Turner in front of it to act. But this was a time before green screen, so I can’t get after them too bad. 

(Addendum to the above story: I didn’t see any of my family members in the scene my uncle was talking about, because movies do a really bang-up job at hiding extras. But I’ll take my uncle’s word for it that they're in there.)

Final Thoughts: 5 out of 6 slices of pizza. If you have almost two and a half hours to spare, go ahead and watch this movie, especially if you’re from the Camden, ME/Belfast, ME area. Once your mind gets desensitized and turns into jelly because of all the melodrama and can focus in on the plot of the movie, it’s a very good time investment to make. 

Caddyshack (1980)

Chinese title:
“Crazy Golf”

Directed by: Harold Ramis

Written by: Brian Doyle-Murray, Harold Ramis, Douglas Kenney

Starring: Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Murray

Running Time: 1 hour, 38 minutes

Rating: R

Pre-Conceived Notions: Caddyshack is one of those films that has firmly embedded itself in American pop culture. If I had a quarter for every time someone started quoting Bill Murray’s speech where he’s practicing his golf swing on the chrysanthemums at me, I’d almost have a dollar. For a lot of my friends who appreciate American comedy, this ranks as one of their favorites, and I can’t wait to see where it lands on my list of comedy flicks. Bill Murray stars in my all-time favorite movie, Groundhog Day, so I’m very encouraged.

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: Never really had the opportunity to watch it. I think I put it on my Netflix queue a couple of times, but it was so far down my list of 300 films that my debit card would expire, and I’d be too lazy to enter my new card number on the website, and would let my membership lapse before I could get to see it. 

1 hour, 38 minutes later…: That was a very, um… interesting film. There were a lot of elements I have never seen in a movie: You’ve got the Baby Ruth in the pool scene, you’ve got the killer runaway yacht scene, you’ve got the old people that can’t hit the ball more than three feet, and most importantly, you’ve got the literate gopher scene. I mean, that gopher has to be the smartest gopher in movie history. Not only could he read the “EXPLOSIVES" label on the crate, but he knew what they were and understood his grim fate. I can understand why Bill Murray wanted to blow him up. His job was in jeopardy! But the scene that made me laugh out loud was the scene where the people at the pool party started to do an Esther Williams-esque choreographed routine in the pool. I’m still chuckling about that one. 

With a cast that includes Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Chevy Chase and Bill Murray, this movie was destined for greatness. An interesting bit of trivia: Michael O’Keefe, who plays Danny, was married to Bonnie Raitt for a period of time in the ’90s, and played Jackie’s husband, Fred, for a number of seasons on Roseanne. It was a total shocker to see him in there. Another interesting bit of trivia: this movie marks the only time Chevy Chase and Bill Murray ever shared a scene together. They had been feuding ever since Bill Murray replaced Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live, and did not get along with each other. 

The movie was kind of all over the place, plot-wise. I mean, Danny’s main story was that he wanted to get a scholarship to go to college and then after sufficiently sucking up to the judge and head honcho of the club to get the caddy scholarship, he blows it when he plays against the judge in the game at the end. The judge asks him if he wants the scholarship, and Danny’s reply was, “I guess I don’t.” Umm… okay. 

Final Thoughts: 4 out of 6 slices of pizza. With memorable scenes stacked one on top of the other, Bill Murray’s antics, and all of the stuff that can go wrong at a golf course going wrong, I can see why this is an American classic.

Ordinary People (1980)

Danish title:
“An Ordinary Family”

Directed by: Robert Redford

Written by: Alvin Sargent, Nancy Dowd, Judith Guest

Starring: Mary Tyler Moore, Donald Sutherland, Timothy Hutton

Running Time: 2 hours, 4 minutes

Rating: R

Pre-Conceived Notions: I got interested in watching Ordinary People when I was working with someone on writing a screenplay, who suggested I buy the book Story, by Robert McKee, where he goes into meticulous detail about writing a screenplay the studios aren’t going to trash as soon as they get their hands on it. One of the chapters talked about Ordinary People and analyzed its structure, focusing on the inciting incident of the film, i.e. the singular event in the film that is basically the whole cause of the plot to begin. The inciting incident of Ordinary People, according to McKee’s book, is not that the older son dies, but when Mary Tyler Moore’s character coldly scrapes the French toast into the sink. And McKee then marvels at how brilliant this is that the inciting incident of a film revolves around one very simple action involving French toast. If you’re reading this because you’re interested in movies and are curious as to how they’re written, please do yourself a huge favor and pick up the book I’m talking about. It’s a pretty thick book, but the topic is so absorbing that it won’t take you any time at all to get through the whole thing. And you’ll never watch movies the same way again.

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: It really wasn’t on my radar until I read McKee’s book. And then I had forgotten about watching this until the idea for this project came up.

2 hours, 4 minutes later…: Goddamn, that was a good movie. I wish my copy of Story wasn’t back in Maine so I could re-read that section of the book on Ordinary People. The acting was some of the best acting I have ever seen; Timothy Hutton deserved that Best Supporting Actor Oscar, and amazingly enough, after 33 years, he still holds the record for the youngest person to ever win that award. Donald Sutherland was impeccable as usual, and it was really great to see MTM in a role where she’s not the perky, smiling, cheerful ingenue. Judd Hirsch was, well, Alex Rieger as a psychiatrist. 

As I sit here, I am not sure of what to write, which is the first time this has happened during this little project of mine. I don’t think it’s because I have writer’s block, but I think it’s because this movie is like a good glass of scotch, or a huge bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. In order to enjoy it, you have to stay with it a little while so your palette can get all of the full-bodied flavor. 

After watching this film, it makes me wish that we in America could get back to the kind of cinema that this movie represents. It wasn’t all about the beautiful people who get into trouble and then walk out the other side of the movie squeaky clean. This was about taking the audience by the shoulders, and giving them an emotional experience they won’t soon forget, screw the happily ever after. And I think if Hollywood could move towards that a little more, I’d be going to the movies a lot more often than I am. 

Final Thoughts: I’m giving Ordinary People one large pizza with everything on it—well, almost everything. On this blog, the pizzas don’t come with pineapple. Pineapples should be kept as far away from pizzas as humanly possible. Phenomenal acting, phenomenal directing from Mr. Sundance himself, Robert Redford, and just a phenomenal piece of cinema no matter how you look at it.

Clerks (1994)

US Working title:
“Inconvenience”

Directed & Written by: Kevin Smith

Starring: Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Marilyn Ghigliotti

Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

Rating: R

Pre-Conceived Notions: This is the movie that made it all happen for Kevin Smith. This is where we meet Jay and Silent Bob. I know that it takes place in a convenience store, and it’s a low-budget film. Yep. That’s pretty much all I know. 

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: I think a part of why I haven’t seen films that seemingly everybody else has is that I’m sort of a rebel who doesn’t want to follow mainstream. Or maybe in the back of my mind I was just saving up a collection of movies to not see so I could then write an insane blog about the movies I haven’t seen. That’s entirely possible as well.

1 hour, 32 minutes later…: How did this movie get picked up for global distribution? For what it is, it’s very impressive. Kevin Smith apparently maxed out a ton of credit cards and sold off a good portion of his comic book collection in order to finance the movie. That’s devotion to your craft, right there. And the movie looked rough because the budget was only $27,000. In that respect, it’s a fabulous film. But, I guess what I am wondering is what set this movie apart from other independent movies at that time? 

Was it the dialogue? It was really hard for me to pay attention to what was being said, because it was just two actors standing there ping-ponging dialogue to each other at break-neck speed, which made me feel like I was watching a filmed high school production of this thing this guy wrote. 

Did Kevin Smith have connections? I guess I should do some research into how the movie got as popular as it did, because I’m having trouble wrapping my brain around it. All throughout watching the film, I kept thinking what it would look like if it had a bigger budget and some of Kevin Smith’s regulars cast in some of the roles. Maybe then I would have gotten the humor in the dialogue, because normally I really like what he puts out there.

Final Thoughts: 3 out of 6 slices of pizza. For what it is and what it represents and how many people it has inspired to go out there and make their own films, it’s groundbreaking cinema. But the acting was rushed, and really rough, and for that reason, I couldn’t get into it. Before today, Clerks was this huge seminal movie that defined a generation, and launched Kevin Smith’s career. But now, I kind of wish I hadn’t seen it because the legend surrounding it would still be there for me.