The Seven Year Itch (1955)

Italian title:
“When the Wife is
on Vacation”

Directed by: Billy Wilder 

Written by: Billy Wilder, George Axelrod

Starring: Marilyn Monroe, Tom Ewell, Evelyn Keyes

Running Time: 1 hour, 45 minutes

Rating: NR

Pre-Conceived Notions: For those of you not versed in classic movie history, this is the movie where Marilyn Monroe gets her dress blown up on the air grate. It’s probably the only thing people remember from this film. Unless you’re a classic film historian. An interesting trivia: Marilyn’s character is never given a name, and is credited as ‘The Girl.’
Why I Haven't Seen This Film: I haven’t seen a lot of the classics. This is just the second of many films from the ’50s I’m going to be reviewing, so I hope as we go along, it’ll encourage you to watch more classic films.

1 hour, 45 minutes later…: Is there some award out there for biggest Indian stereotype featured in a movie? Thanks to the strides and advancements we’ve made in the past 60 years, the opening scene in this film looks ridiculous. The first ‘Indian’ woman you see is obviously a white woman in tan make up and a wig. And there were some guys in there that were obviously Irish. And I found the teepees extra hilarious. Oh, the ’50s, you slay me. 

I have a theory about the movie that no synopsis I’ve read has mentioned. The basic plot of the film is that this man, who has been married for seven years has to stay behind and work as a publishing executive while his wife and child go on a summer vacation up in Ogunquit, Maine. Coming home after work, he sits down to read a manuscript on infidelity and has an imaginary conversation with his wife about how he is presented with every opportunity to cheat on her with his secretary and his night nurse following his appendectomy throwing themselves at him, and him ignoring their advances. The theme of imagination is very well established at the beginning of the film.

Okay. Here’s where my theory comes into play. As he is walking around the living room, he steps on his son’s roller skate, falls backwards, and hits is head on the ground. (Concussion, perhaps?) The minute he does that, The Girl (played wispily and airily by the wispy and airy Marilyn Monroe) buzzes at the door to be let in because she forgot her apartment key upstairs. So, I’m thinking this is all in his mind. It’s too much of a coincidence not to be. Bump on the head, and BOOM! Marilyn Monroe suddenly lives in the apartment upstairs from you? 

Then towards the end of the movie—okay, THE end of the movie (*Spoiler Alert!*) he’s really paranoid about someone finding out about his affair with The Girl, and this guy he’s been weary of doing the same thing with his wife that he’s ben doing with The Girl shows up in the kitchen, and he gets into a heated one-sided argument, and says something along the lines of, “What, you think I’ve got Marilyn Monroe in the kitchen?” And it so happened that Marilyn Monroe was in the kitchen at that point in the movie. That, my friends proves my point! If Marilyn Monroe exists in the universe where this movie takes place, and the name of The Girl is never revealed throughout the course of the film, doesn’t it stand to reason that the whole movie is in his head, and The Girl/Marilyn Monroe is just something he dreamed up? I rest my case. This theory is on none of the webpages about the movie. I’m really gobsmacked that people have missed this. 

Final Thoughts: 5 slices of pizza out of 6. It’s a really cute and light comic film of the ’50’s. If you’re interested about the iconic scene with Marilyn and her dress blowing up around her when she’s atop the subway grate, she is never shown from the waist up at that point in the film. It just cuts to her legs as the wind blows her skirt up. The iconic image people have in their minds comes from photographs of the production, not the film itself. Rent it for that, and rent it for the Shyamalan-esque ending. You’ll see what I mean.

Peyton Place (1957)

French title:
“The Pleasures of Hell”

Directed by: Mark Robson

Written by: John Michael Hayes, Grace Metalious

Starring: Lana Turner, Hope Lange, Lee Philips

Running Time: 2 hours, 22 minutes

Rating: NR

Pre-Conceived Notions: Gather ’round, kids, I’ve got a little story to tell you. 

[cue flashback music] 

I was at dinner with my father’s family, and I mentioned to them my interest in theatre and maybe thinking about doing movies, and all of a sudden my uncle pipes up: “Y’know, your father was in a movie in the ’50s. And your aunts.”

“Really? Nah. You’re joking.”

“No. It’s true. Your father and your aunt are the people at the very beginning of Peyton Place, walking up the stairs, and your other aunt was the person in the room that gets up and leaves right afterwards.”

And it turns out it’s true. Peyton Place was filmed in my hometown of Belfast, ME, and my father and aunts were hired as extras. Back then, you didn’t get issued a social security number until you got employed. Years later, I got to meet and talk with Hope Lange when she was a special guest of the National Theatre Workshop of the Handicapped the first year they were in my hometown. I had no idea who she was when I talked to her, but it was cool because now I can say I talked to Hope Lange about Cheez-Its. (She was a fan.) 

Why I Haven't Seen This Film: You’d think that I’d’ve run out to the video store as fast as possible to rent this movie, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. But it is what it is.

2 hours, 22 minutes later…: I think I need a couple shots of whiskey to decompress from this movie. I mean it had it all: murder, adultery, suicide, and shots of my hometown. Which is really kind of weird to be sitting there, watching an old movie and, “Oh, wow! That’s where that chick rear-ended me and my van in her father’s Audi!” And then a couple of scenes later, “There’s the church my aunt got married in!” etc. This is going to be the first in a series of three movies filmed in my hometown that I’ll be reviewing during the course of the year, so stay tuned!

The two lessons this movie dealt with was, 1) Let your kids be who they’re going to be. You’re the parent, not the puppeteer. The more you try to control your kids and mold them into the people you want them to be, the more they are going to want to rebel and push themselves away from you, and 2) Gossip is a very destructive thing. “What are they going to think of me if I do that, or how will people react if I do this?” Who cares? You only get one life in this world, so live it for you! In the end you’re only accountable for yourself, so are you going to live your life for somebody else, or are you going to live it for you? Huh? Answer me! 

Sorry. I just got done watching a very melodramatic movie for the past three hours, and that kind of thing is really hard to get out of your system. Speaking of melodrama, holy melodrama, Batman! So many people grabbing each other by the shoulders, and crying forcefully, and all the suave comebacks from everybody on top of that. I mean, did people really talk like that in the ’40s (when this movie was set)? Oy vey! And I loved all of the poor man’s process stuff going on. Like they took a picture of the location (e.g. the exterior of Constance MacKenzie’s house), and projected it onto a giant screen in a soundstage and threw Lana Turner in front of it to act. But this was a time before green screen, so I can’t get after them too bad. 

(Addendum to the above story: I didn’t see any of my family members in the scene my uncle was talking about, because movies do a really bang-up job at hiding extras. But I’ll take my uncle’s word for it that they're in there.)

Final Thoughts: 5 out of 6 slices of pizza. If you have almost two and a half hours to spare, go ahead and watch this movie, especially if you’re from the Camden, ME/Belfast, ME area. Once your mind gets desensitized and turns into jelly because of all the melodrama and can focus in on the plot of the movie, it’s a very good time investment to make.